I firmly believe in the quote "someday, someone will walk into your life and make you realize why it never worked with anyone else". It's probably some cheesy quote thought up by a teenager with myspace but it's definately something I think about alot. So here is my "why it never worked out with any else" list. (Yeah, I'm notorious for this; I have terrible luck with boys!)

• C. We were in middle school and he cheated on me. He made his new "girlfriend from church" IM me telling me he hated me. Awesome!
• Z. Because it was too complicated.
• R. Because he went to a different school.
• S. Because he said I had a small chest.
• Z. Because he perferred goth girls.
• R. Because I wasn't interested.
• H. Because I didn't believe in premarital sex. No joke, he actually told my best friend he no longer found me attractive because I believed in that.
• G. Because he was so weird. But we liked eachother :-/
• B. Because he was horny 24/7 and lived in another state.
• C. Because he was also horny 24/7 and lived in another state.
• A. Because I wasn't interested. And when I was, he moved on.
• S. Because I was too shy to tell him I liked him back.
• S. Because we weren't the same ethnicity.
• J. Because he always stared at my boobs. And continued even when I put my jacket on.
• J. Because he only liked hugging me. But not talking to me. 
• T. Because my friend liked him alot. And we weren't allowed to go out.
• M. Because I was too young.
• K. Because it just didn't.
• J. Because he believed in bros over hoes.

So that's my "w.i.n.w.w.a.e. list". You guys should all post yours so we can mope about how much people are missing out on!!1!11!!! Just kidding. We'll probably end the night complaining about how much acne we have and eating tons of ice cream. Sounds good to me!

Dang, I haven't written anything on this in about a week. And no "real" posts in like... two months. These days I'm just too tired and I have no time for ANYTHING. All my time is spent at school, hating school, or bitching about school. Oops. Then I got the massive amounts of homework, plus all the other shenanagins I've been putting my time into.... art contests (I'll post them here later!), volunteering, church stuff, and countless other things.... I don't even have time to hang out with my friends. When I'm not doing busy work, I'm at school -___-. Yesterday, I thought I'd have to pull an allnighter, but I went to bed at 5 (with tons of work left to do). I don't like this!

Part of what makes this allllll okay is:

1. I LOVE being busy. I love having things to do and places to go.... I'm glad I can never complain that I spent the evening watching CSI reruns or something stupid like that because I'm bussssyyyy!

2. I got accepted to Texas Christian University! That was one of my top choices. Also, I got a 40K scholarship to Baylor University. Oh, and idk if I mentioned it here, but I got into Auburn, too! That was my top choice too :) It's so awesome that everything is just falling into place.... So amazing. God really does pull through and makes things twist into something you cannot imagine. Like, getting into most of the colleges I applied to! Just three months ago I didn't think any of this was possible. I thought that I'd only be accepted to like, two schools, so I applied for so many.

3. I am now the coordinator (not just a teacher) of the 3 and 4 year old sunday school!!!! I'm seriously really honored and sooooooo pumped. I will not mess this up, it's too darn exciting. Now I get to teach every week and even boss people around.... ha. But I'm just so excited to go back to children's ministry :D

4. Project 365 ended on November 13th! As usual, I had no time to actually take a photo on that date. And I haven't posted anything on that date either. Lol. Ovbiously I didn't take this project very seriously....

The reason I started p365 was actually... to document my relationship with my boyfriend, Kevin at that time. We had been together for two years and this project was suposed to be comprised of photos of us through yet another year. The first few photos in this project were of us (hanging out at the mall, etc.)... but it slowly changed. The year progressed and photos were of other things, not just us, like I had previously planned (not like we can take a photo every day reguardless! Bwahaha).

So I read about the project sometime in september and thought, hey, this'll be fun! I could incorperate photoshop and other elements into it. Even post some artworks as my photo-of-the-day. I decided eventually to start on november 13th because then this project would have a "purpose". Anyway, after the first two weeks I was mistaken; no way I could ever have the time to take a photo SIMPLY for the project purpose. So the entire year was me catching up on photos weeks later, pretending I took that specific photo on that day, when really, I hadn't touched my camera in weeks. Hahaha, oh well. I'm not too upset, I don't really... care >__>. Note to self: don't do this project again. I'm not creative enough for a billion self portraits so... yeah. Taking photos is fun but not every day for a "project". Yuck. In the middle of the year, however, I finally upgraded to a DSLR camera and it was awesome :) I guess my "photography skill" remained the same, but again, I don't really care. I never took this project or photography in general seriously and only continued on because I'm not one of those people who give up easily, even if it's a dumb cause. Also cause I'm too damn prideful. Like the one time I ordered durian smoothie at a restaurant even though both my parents told me not to. I took that sucker home and drank sips of it over the course of three days.... Yeah moving on.

As you may already know, I broke up with Kevin in the middle of the summer. I've even writtein college essays about out relationship and posted them here on xanga about it, if you're interested, you can read them here. But even before then, this project dwindled to other topics.... While I still posted tons of pictures of Kevin and I, in was mixed with photos of my family, my best friends, cool stuff I've done. I'll admit that the time we've been together wasn't the best. Like my essays say, I was a monster. Even I wasn't cool with myself. But I'll also say that I'd definately wouldn't be here without the relationship. This project had become more of a self-realization journey then one to document our relationship. And I was fine with that. I guess what I'm trying to say is that while I never took this project seriously - it still meant alot to me. This project wasn't about us - it started to become about me. And other people who made me, me. This november 13th, I wasn't thinking about Kevin. Heck, I didn't even remember it was a special date until just then, lololol. Now as things have it, he's a total loser. He got in trouble for selling drugs and there's a huge chance he can't even graduate this year. He's ran away from home or as he puts it , "hangs out with his friends without telling his parents" and they frantically call me, asking if I have a clue where he is. He hasn't applied anywhere and he just plans on renting out an apartment and partying every day. It's weird to see... that I can't even respect this guy anymore. I used to think he was my world! And now... we couldn't be any more opposite. But honestly, I don't even think about this very much. After breaking up with him, I strived to become more and more independent. I went on alot of dates after that (they all were just fun). I made alot of new friends. This year, I finally got a car! I made it to senior year. I had an amazing birthday. I went on more family trips. I've begun to appreciate my family more. Oh this is random but last night, I felt really sick after volunterring in the cold for a seven hour football game, and came home to my room, which was all clean because my sisters felt like cleaning it for me :D and my mom who made my two favorite things. My dad helped me out big time on a lab report I've been stressing out on for a long time. I know this is kind of trivial - but this year I've defintely fell more in love with these amazing people. This year, I got my first job, quit my first job, I failed my first class. I got paid to take photos, attended more school-sponsored events than ever, and experienced more of Austin than I ever have. I got new best friends, I lost best friends. I finally found my music taste! I think I experienced the closest thing to "romantic love". I also experienced the most defintely, for-sure means of "God's Love" (which by the way is amazing and has no bounds) during late night prayer meetings. But above all, I finally discovered what was most important and who really matters.

And that is why I'm going to conclude this entry, my mock "november 13th entry" with a picture of my best friend, Ali. (oh and me! I'm in here too!)

This girl is sooooooo cool. She was one of the first friends I made at WW. She is so amazing and has stuck by me through thick and thin, even if I didn't do the same (which I havne't, because I'm full of fail and undeserving of this awesome chica). And if there's anything she's taught me - it's that boys are stupid and lame. Your friends are the ones who shape you. There really isn't any replacement for a friendship on earth than with your best best friends.

Ali Diaz-Tello is my best best friend!

Once Sherry asked me if I'd like to meet myself.

My answer? HELL NO. I am loud, I am annoying, I am stupid, I am naive, I am oblivious, I am shallow, I am rude, I am clumsy, I am fat, I am so many other things. I would not be friends with anyone like me.

Today is one of the main reasons why I can't even tolerate myself, much less others tolerate me.

My first block is government. Usually nobody pays attention and we just talk the whole block. Except we had a substitute and you know how it goes - if it's a blow off class, it will be rowdy x10. It's the same thing as with the teacher, except with more cuss words and leaving class, probably. Wrong. The substitute started talking and apparently, we were suposed to listen. Everyone shushed except for me. I guess I didn't get the memo and I was the only one talking. Big deal?

The sub just stares at me. I realized everoyne else was staring at me too. Crap. I stop talking (ovbiously) and just smile at him.

"Please continue," he said.
"Excuse me?"
"What you have to say is probably more important than what I have to say."
"Um, no sir. It's not."
"Well, I want to hear it."
"Uh, I'm done."
"Are you sure?"

It just goes on for thirty more seconds of rediculious question asking. I felt sooooooooo gay for accidently talking. Fuck. Something that could have been resolved in three seconds (aka him moving on) went on for two minutes. I was thoroughly humiliated. He kept on bringing up how disrespectful seniors are and then looking at me.

Thanks, asshole. But it really sucked to have a day start out like that.

Last night, I accidently told Kevin that today was late start. I forgot to tell him that it actually wasn't. So he was late to school and just decided to skip first block all together. I felt so so so dumb.  He was pissed of course.

Later, I said the world's stupidest thing. In art, I was drawing this pin up doll kind of girl. This girl, who is notorous for drawing naked chicks and boobs on things came up and said she liked it.

"Thanks," I said, "its kind of like the stuff you like."

The second that shit came out of my mouth 0________0 I felt like shooting myself.

"What is that suposed to mean?"
I stared at the ground. "Well... you draw naked girls alot."
"No I don't."

Which was lol because she was holding a giant canvas with a burlesque dancer and on her table was a painting of female body parts something or other.

"Well, all the stuff you do in this class is like, a bunch of boobs and stuff."

Shit. I am retarded.

She looks at me quizzically and I dig myself yet another hole. "Sorry, it was a joke and it came out all wrong."

I am seriously the biggest douchebag at ww. Fuck.

As if THAT wasn't bad enough, just minutes later I accidently get acrylic paint on my best friend's jacket. I felt soooo fucking bad. I tried to clean it but you know acrylic paint. It's pretty much permanent. She got so pissed and didn't even look at me for the rest of the block. Ugh.

I'm fucking stupppppppid. aldjfglkajdfklgajdlkfjgaklfdjg akdjfglkadjf ag Everything I do is so dumb and gay. Why do I even exist?

OH AND IF THAT WASNT BAD ENOUGH. Today during prayer meeting I accidently knocked down this guys drink and it got all over his seat. This is a guy I barely know. adfgjkadfgkajdfkl

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I need to learn to keep my mouth shut and just... fuck. Not show up at school? Yeah that'd be awesome. This is just one of those days where I wonder why God created me in the first place. Anyway, one of my favorite phrases from these videos I used to keep up with online is "Chris is the asshole of the day". It's when he says something dumb or douchey and his toy horse says that.

Well that's exactly how I feel.

My name is Katie and I am the asshole of the day.